Friday, July 15, 2011
Our Goodbyes to Colby
The next day in the hospital was full of different emotions. We all joyfully welcomed little Colby the day before but this day we would have to say goodbye to him forever. That morning we all passed him around looking at him, wondering what was in his future, what his life was going to be like.
Amanda's family left early in the day and had one last moment with their grandson.
Lisa hugged Colby's new mama, and thanked her for taking care of her grandson.
The rest of the day we took it all in. Shea was amazed that he was holding Ricky's baby.
Colby was so alert and stared at Amanda.
Ricky and Amanda held him for the rest of the day.
They played with him and talked to him, and he knew their voices.
(I know that really doesnt fit in with context, but it was too cute)
Ricky and Amanda made it official that afternoon and signed the paper to give him to Daniel and Bonnie. This was a great relief for his new parents but the hardest part was still to come for his birth parents.
Ricky and Amanda asked to be alone with their son one last time and we all left the room.
We all cried those last moments in that room. Signing the papers and doing what was right for their son wasnt nearly as heavy as telling him goodbye was.
I believe that they made the best decision for their son. I know that neither one of them will ever experience greater pain than they did that day that they kissed him for the last time.
But I know that the love they have for that little boy out weighs that pain. It was love for him that lead to this painful decision and it was unselfish love.
I dont know if Ricky will ever know how proud I am of him. As his big sister, I still cant keep from crying when I speak or write about how proud I am of my little brother. He broke the mold in doing what he did for his son. He chose the hard path....the painful one and instead of doing what would feel good to him and taking a "shot" at fatherhood he chose to walk through the pain of that goodbye so that Colby Daniel would have a life full of love with parents that are ready for parenthood.
Ricky, I am honored to be your sister.
One day we will be in a hospital room and you will being holding a brand new baby and that day will be your day. You will not leave empty handed with a tear stained face. You willl be father and you will be ready to be one.
I pray that Colby will thank you both oneday for choosing this path for him, for taking the road less travled. I pray that he will know that telling him goodbye was the hardest thing you ever had to do but you did it because you loved him so much.
We all love you Colby. We will think of you often.